Good Luck Topping This Commencement Speech

Good Luck Topping This Commencement Speech


THERE WAS SOME GOOD NEWS THIS
WEEKEND. WAIT, AM I SAYING THAT RIGHT? G-OOO-D? ( LAUGHTER )
I’M TALKING ABOUT BILLIONAIRE INVESTOR ROBERT F. SMITH, SEEN
HERE — ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
— SEEN HERE THINKING ABOUT WINDOWS. YESTERDAY, SMITH GAVE THE
COMMENCEMENT ADDRESS AT MOREHOUSE COLLEGE IN GEORGIA,
AND HE ENDED HIS SPEECH WITH A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT.>>MEN OF MOREHOUSE, YOU ARE
SURROUNDED BY A COMMUNITY OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE HELPED YOU
ARRIVE AT THIS SACRED PLACE ON THIS SACRED DAY. ON BEHALF OF THE EIGHT
GENERATIONS OF MY FAMILY WHO HAVE BEEN IN THIS COUNTRY, WE’RE
GOING TO PUT A LITTLE FUEL IN YOUR BUS. THIS IS MY CLASS, 2019. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
AND MY FAMILY IS MAKING A GRANT TO ELIMINATE THEIR STUDENT
LOANS. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>Stephen: WOW.>>Jon: WOW! CLASS OF 2019, YOU JUST LEARNED
A VALUABLE LESSON. SUCKS TO BE CLASS OF 2018. YOU KNOW THERE’S GOT TO BE
SOMEONE OUT THERE GOING, “AREN’T YOU HAPPY IT TOOK ME FIVE YEARS
TO GRADUATE NOW, DAD?” BUT, AS SOMEONE WHO FREQUENTLY
GETS ASKED TO GIVE COMMENCEMENT SPEECHES, I JUST HAVE ONE THING
TO SAY TO ROBERT F. SMITH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MAN?! IX-NAY ON THE ENEROSITY-JAY! IT’S AN EASY GIG: YOU SHOW UP,
PUT ON THE HAT AND THE SMOCK, MAKE A COUPLE JOKES ABOUT THE
LOCAL BAR, SAY SORRY WE ( BLEEP ) UP THE WORLD —
SORRY — AND, BINGO, HONORARY DOCTORATE! NOW WE’RE SUPPOSED TO PAY OFF
LOANS? THE MOST VALUABLE THING I CAN
GIVE GRADUATES IS FREE TICKETS TO MY SHOW. AND THEY’RE ALREADY FREE. ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THE ANNOUNCEMENT TOOK EVERYONE
BY SURPRISE, INCLUDING THE PRESIDENT OF MOREHOUSE, WHO
SAID, “THERE WAS AMAZEMENT IN THE ROOM. STUDENTS WERE LOOKING AT EACH
OTHER LIKE, ‘WHAT DID HE SAY?’ PARENTS HOPPED UP TO HUG EACH
OTHER.” I BET THEY DID. ( LAUGHTER )
(AS TEARFUL PARENT) “I WISH THEY TOLD US AHEAD OF
TIME. WE COULD’VE REPLACED THE WATER
HEATER!” ( LAUGHTER )
NOW, DON’T GET ME WRONG, THIS IS EXTREMELY GENEROUS, HE SEEMS
LIKE A WONDERFUL GUY, BUT BECAUSE WE WON’T TAX THE SUPER
RICH, HERE’S WHERE WE ARE — AMERICA’S COLLEGE GRADUATES HAVE
TO DEPEND ON THE RANDOM CHANCE THAT A
BILLIONAIRE IS GOING TO SHOW UP TO THEIR GRADUATION. “C’MON, WARREN BUFFETT, C’MON
WARREN BUFFETT. WAIT, WHO IS IT? WHO DO WE GO GET?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) “MALALA!” DAMN IT!
( LAUGHTER ) WE’VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.

100 thoughts on “Good Luck Topping This Commencement Speech

  1. Meanwhile, a bunch of other countries that give a shit about their futures & higher education, don’t even know what a student loan is.

  2. U know what Stephen; getting to meet you and recieving your blessing as well as support, would be the best birthday present… lol but that's just asking too much from a nobody that has saturated ur field.

  3. "Now, I've often said "good news" when sending you on a mission of extreme danger. So when I say this anomaly is dangerous, you can imagine how dangerous I really think it is."
    "Not dangerous at all?"
    "Actually, quite dangerous indeed."
    "That is quite dangerous."
    "Indeed."

  4. I would be the guy that pays off my student loan 4 months before the government forgives all student loans.

  5. I wrote this elsewhere and I am gonna repeat it here. This is a great philanthropy move for these specific families, but if you look at it from a wider point of view, beating a universal crisis and systemic inequalities doesn't happen with tiny individual actions like this. They only create different types of inequalities.

  6. While I'm happy for the men and wome… – well – the men in this graduating class, it feels like this money could have been better invested at lower levels. The folks in attendance already exceeded the bar of their peers and will likely not experience anything close to the struggles of those who will never even set foot onto a college campus.

    We have entire communities (of color and otherwise) where the likelihood of attaining a higher education is already highly improbable. On average, only 30% of Americans will go on to achieve a Bachelor's degree and in some states (West Virginia/Mississippi) it is as low as 20%. This is not because 70-80% of Americans are unqualified, but because the cost of college in our country is beyond reproach. These young adults aren't the ones who needed help the most.

    Undoubtedly, this story has echoes from Marvel's fictitious portrayal of Iron Man, Tony Stark's "September Foundation". My hope is that these students will take from this the very real message from another well-known Marvel tale, "With great power comes great responsibility."

  7. No offense I don't like your show and I don't like you you can take it or leave it cuz I don't give a rat's ass

  8. What about that one person that saved, worked another job, didn't get a loan :/ He probably feels a little hard done by here.
    This is what happens when the field isn't level in the end. This isn't the way to run your education system lol.

  9. Now if you want to top that, tax the rich and make colleges free of charge. You know like so many other countries in the world already do, as is the case with single payer health care … .

  10. This man is a legend and pure inspiration!! He just created a class a graduates who will be able to get jobs they deserve instead of jobs to pay off student loans or entry level jobs.

  11. "Oh you can't talk about taxes and economy, you are poor and know nothing. "Oh you are rich and want to eliminate student debt and raise taxes, hypocrite, why dont you give your money … oh."

  12. So a rich guy is going to pay off the bloated overpriced cost of post-secondary school because he knows that the majority of the graduates will be baristas not barristers.

  13. That opening was good~ too good… 😓
    I thought he was gonna say "Stephen Colbert" at the end there 😆

  14. I think this guy saw "The Office" and said let me try that, the scott tots are still waiting for there money Grant to this day!

  15. If only rich people would pay their fair share of taxes and stop trying to evade them then maybe we could have free college education in this country.

  16. I don't know if this rich guy did this or not, but I wonder if he's ever paid a politician to push for tax cuts, deregulation, or policies for his own financial benefit.

    Maybe this particular guy hasnt, it's just a thought.

  17. If you think that one billionaire paying off a few hundred student loans is great, you're going to LOVE Elizabeth Warren's plan

  18. Does nobody else realize how opposed Stephen Colbert is to taxing the wealthy? Lol I mean he couldn't be any more in your face about it yet NO ONE acknowledges it. Instead tune in and laugh at his almost funny wise cracks

  19. Aw man now a bunch of kids are going to talk down to people without a degree because it was so easy for them clearly if you don’t have one it’s because you’re lazy.

  20. there’s literally only 3 black billionaires in America. Robert F Smith $4.4B, Oprah $3.1B and Michael Jordan $1.6B

    I think it’s great that Robert paid for the graduating class $40M loans. Considering that HBCU alumni have a median federal-debt load of about $29,000 at graduation—32% above graduates of other public and nonprofit four-year schools.
    The majority of HBCU grads haven’t paid down even $1 of their original loan balance in the first few years out of school.

    Black Americans experience dramatically lower upward mobility than white Americans do — a difference that appears to be driven largely by significant economic disadvantages among black men.

    [Forbes' 2018 top 15 billionaires …. not a single black person on the top.
    Jeff Bezos, $112 billion
    Bill Gates, $90 billion
    Warren Buffett, $84 billion
    Bernard Arnault and family, $72 billion
    Mark Zuckerberg, $71 billion
    Amancio Ortega, $70 billion
    Carlos Slim Helu and family, $67.1 billion
    Charles Koch, $60 billion
    David Koch, $60 billion
    Larry Ellison, $58.5 billion
    Michael Bloomberg, $50 billion
    Larry Page, $48.8 billion
    Sergey Brin, $47.5 billion
    Jim Walton, $46.4 billion
    S. Robson Walton, $46.2 billion]

  21. Marquette University class of 2013 got Bill Cosby. Wahwah. He did not offer to help with tuition which is too bad because he’s not using it now.

  22. Hah! Now let's see "billionaire" Trump match that move. If he can get any more money from his Russian bankers…

  23. I paid my student loans. Good for him and them. I don't have kids but think ALL children in this country should have free education and health care.

  24. Guy gets rich by working the stock market to earn money incommensurate to how hard he's working, proceeds to buy a few homes, consume conspicuously and live off the fat of the land till his conscience starts getting at him. Does nothing to address inequities in a predatory political and economic system, donates a pittance to a couple hundred grads when the cameras are on.

    I'll save my applause, thanks.

  25. so why don't more wealthy black entertainers football and basketball players use their funds to finance programs that promote educational opportunities and community development projects…??

  26. The day USA understands that you need to invest in education for your country to grown instead of making it affordable only to a handful and at a huge cost, might be the day you stop electing dumbass.

  27. It's not like he's giving the shirt off his back. He's obscenely rich before the gift and will remain so after the gift. If anything he's buying notoriety and adulation. If he just wanted to help out he could have donated anonymously as an altruistic philanthropist would. But no, he chose to do it in a very public manor to maximize the applause.

  28. Great for those kids, but it doesn't do anything about the system that's in place that puts the kids in such outrageous debt to begin with… Frankly speaking, if Smith really, really cared, why didn't he invest his money into doing something about the system?

  29. What's crazy is that 50 years ago everyone could afford college and then guess what the government got involved and now if you don't pay them off they take everything plus if you look into micro loans then you'll notice the devil Dems that just want money

  30. The only thing that bothers me about this story is that some kids doubtless worked two summer jobs and worked during the school year to make sure they had little to no debt, and now they're less competitive because their GPAs suffered.

    Make no mistake, the Smiths did a wonderful thing here, but it also underscores how much better our system would be if we guaranteed a college education to those who have the grades.

  31. Betsy DeVos didn't do that when she gave a commencement address the other day. And she's got the jack for that…. 😉

  32. Tremendous action from that family for the grant that paid off those students education. I wish to follow suit once I become rich!

  33. A real billionaire? He should run against Trump for the Republican candidature just to make him sweat…more. 😉

  34. Geez, Stephen, if you actually care about taxing the mega-rich more, why are you always shilling for establishment Democrats?

  35. Okay, but meanwhile what does he pay his messenger guy, his administrative assistant(s), his cleaning people, etc, etc. And yeah, then there's the whole tax thing; what rate did he pay on his investment income last year? Personally, I paid 12% on a $33,000.00 salary. Let's not deify this guy, okay?

  36. So, he said that at the end of the speech?

    How many people had zoned out and had to lean over to the person next to them like, What'd he say?

  37. Nice gesture, great PR, but a terrible policy. The people in that class that worked like dogs to pay their way through school get nothing?!? Students with debt but who have well off parents get their debt paid?!? The money would have been much better spent on a needs based scholarship or bursary program.

  38. Now that's a high bar. If I was in 2020s graduating class I'd be up- to heck- set. That's was a very amazing and impressive gesture. God bless you Mr. Smith and your business.

  39. I would be much happier about this if I didn't have friends I KNOW will use this to justify how the system works fine because 'this couldn't happen without the way the system works' and the thought of trying to improve the system to reduce the amount of debt students face is 'theft, communism and will lead to the downfall of the country'.

  40. It took a black man to stand up where are all those white millionaires or billionaires I tell you where they are counting their dollars cuz they don't want to give one away

  41. That’s great but what about those who worked hard for scholarships and sacrificed all there money out of pockets just to pay for college in order to be debt free? You mean to tell me i could’ve gotten a latte here and there or even went on a summer vacation instead of working my tail during one of my summers…now you tell me. Well, at least i’m still thankful. Thank you Mr. Smith.

  42. I thought at the end Steven was going to say "Jimmy Buffett! We each get a free concert with margaritas!"

  43. It's the kind of gesture only a billionaire would make – on a whim and bound to cause more problems than it solves.

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