MEETING THE ENEMY A feminist comes to terms with the Men’s Rights movement | Cassie Jaye | TEDxMarin

MEETING THE ENEMY A feminist comes to terms with the Men’s Rights movement | Cassie Jaye | TEDxMarin


Translator: Isabella Boux
Reviewer: Queenie Lee In 2013, I decided to meet my enemies. I was a 27-year-old, award-winning
documentary filmmaker and a proud feminist. And I was determined
to expose the dark underbelly of the men’s rights movement. At that point, all I knew
of the men’s rights movement was from what I’d read online, that it’s a misogynistic hate group
actively working against women’s equality. Well, the vast majority
of my previous work was about women’s issues. I directed documentaries
about reproductive rights, single motherhood, and the need for more girls
to get into STEM education. So when I learned that no one had ever
documented the men’s rights movement in a film before, I saw it as an opportunity
to continue fighting for women’s equality by exposing those preventing it. So for one year, I traveled North America meeting the leaders and followers
of the men’s rights movement. I spent anywhere
from two hours up to eight hours, interviewing each individual
men’s rights activist, also known as MRA, and I filmed 44 people total. And there is an important rule
in documentary filmmaking. As an interviewer, you do not interrupt. So I’m asking questions,
and I’m getting their full life story. And in the moment, I didn’t realize it, but now looking back I can see, that while I was conducting my interviews,
I wasn’t actually listening. I was hearing them speak, and I knew the cameras were recording, but in those moments
of sitting across from my enemy, I wasn’t listening. What was I doing? I was anticipating. I was waiting to hear a sentence, or even just a couple
of words in succession that proved what I wanted to believe: that I had found the misogynist. The ground zero of the war on women. A couple of times, I thought I had it. There was one men’s rights activist that said to me, “Just walk outside and look around, everything you see was built by a man.” Oh! That statement felt anti-women. I felt my jaw clench, but I sat quietly,
as a documentarian should, while removing all the space
between my upper and lower molars. (Laughter) After my year of filming, I was reviewing the 100 hours
of footage I had gathered, replaying and transcribing it, which believe me when I say no one will ever listen to you more
than someone who transcribes your words. You should write that down. (Laughter) So, I was typing out every word meticulously, and through that process,
I began to realize that my initial knee-jerk reactions
to certain statements weren’t really warranted, and my feeling offended
did not hold up to intense scrutiny. Was that statement about men having built the skyscrapers
and the bridges anti-women? I thought, well, what would
be the gender-reverse scenario? Maybe a feminist saying: Just look around, everyone you see was birthed by a woman. Wow! That’s a powerful statement. And it’s true. Is it anti-male? I don’t think so. I think it’s acknowledging our unique
and valued contributions to our society. Well, luckily, while I was making The Red Pill movie, I kept a video diary which ended up
tracking my evolving views, and in looking back on the 37 diaries
I recorded that year, there was a common theme. I would often hear
an innocent, valid point that a men’s rights activist would make, but in my head, I would add on to their statements,
a sexist or anti-woman spin, assuming that’s what they
wanted to say but didn’t. So here are two examples
of how that would go. A men’s rights activist,
an MRA, would say to me, “There are over 2,000
domestic violence shelters for women in the United States. But only one for men. Yet, multiple reputable studies show
that men are just as likely to be abused.” I would hear them say, “We don’t need 2,000 shelters for women. They’re all lying about being abused. It’s all a scam.” But in looking back
on all the footages I’ve gathered of men’s rights activists
talking about shelters and all the blogs they’ve written and the video live-streams
they have posted on YouTube, they are not trying
to defund women’s shelters. Not at all. All they’re saying
is that men can be abused too, and they deserve care and compassion. Second example. A men’s rights activist would say to me, “Where is justice for the man
who was falsely accused of raping a woman, and because of this accusation, he loses his college scholarship and is branded with the inescapable
title of a rapist.” I would hear them say, “A woman being raped isn’t a big deal.” It’s as if I didn’t hear the word
“falsely” accused of rape. All I heard was, “He was accused of rape.” Of course, rape is a big deal, and all the men’s rights activists I met
agreed it is a horrible thing to have happened to anyone. I eventually realized what they are saying is they are trying to add
to the gender equality discussion, who is standing up for the good-hearted, honorable man
that loses his scholarship, his job, or worse yet, his children, because he is accused of something
he absolutely did not do? (Sighs) Well, I couldn’t keep denying
the points they were making. There are real issues. But in my effort to avoid agreeing
with my enemy completely, I changed from putting words
in their mouth to acknowledging the issue
but insisting they are women’s issues. So here are two examples
of how that would go. A men’s rights activist would say to me, “Men are far more likely
to lose their child in a custody battle.” And I would counter: “Well, because women are unfairly
expected to be the caretaker. It’s discrimination against women
that women get custody more often.” Yes. (Laughter) I am not proud of that. (Laughter) Second example. An MRA would say to me, “Men are roughly 78% of all suicides
throughout the world.” And I would counter with: “But women attempt suicide more often. So ha! (Laughter) Ha? It’s not a contest. But I kept making it into one. Why couldn’t I simply learn
about men’s issues and have compassion for male victims without jumping at the opportunity
to insist that women are the real victims. Well, after years of researching
and fact-checking, what the men’s rights activists
were telling me, there is no denying that there are
many human rights issues that disproportionately
or uniquely affect men. Paternity fraud uniquely affects men. The United States Selective Service
in the case of a draft still uniquely affects men. Workplace deaths: disproportionately men. War deaths: overwhelmingly men. Suicide: overwhelmingly men. Sentencing disparity, life expectancy, child custody, child support, false rape allegations,
criminal court bias, misandry, failure launched, boys falling behind in education, homelessness, veterans issues, infant male genital mutilation, lack of parental choice
once a child is conceived, lack of resources for male victims
of domestic violence, so many issues that are heartbreaking, if you are the victim or you love someone who is the victim
unto any one of these issues. These are men’s issues. And most people can’t name one because they think, “Well, men have all their rights;
they have all the power and privilege.” But these issues
deserve to be acknowledged. They deserve care, attention, and motivation for solutions. Before making The Red Pill movie,
I was a feminist of about ten years, and I thought I was well-versed
on gender equality issues. But it wasn’t until I met
men’s rights activists that I finally started
to consider the other side of the gender equality equation. It doesn’t mean I agree
with all that they’ve said. But I saw the immense value
in listening to them and trying to see the world
through their eyes. I thought if I could get my audience
to also listen to them, it could serve as a rung on the ladder, bringing us all up
to a higher consciousness about gender equality. So in October 2016, the film was released in theaters, and articles and critic reviews
started to roll in. And that’s when I experienced
how engaged the media is in group think around gender politics. And I learned a difficult lesson. When you start to humanize your enemy, you, in turn, may be dehumanized
by your community. And that’s what happened to me. Rather than debating the merit
of the issues addressed in the film, I became the target of a smear campaign, and people who had never seen the movie
protested outside the theater doors, chanting that it was harmful to women. It certainly is not. But I understand their mindset. If I never made this movie, and I heard that there was
a documentary screening about men’s rights activists
that didn’t show them as monsters, I too would have protested the screenings or at least sign the petitions
to ban the film because I was told
that they were my enemy. I was told that men’s rights activists
were against women’s equality. But all the men’s rights activists I met
support women’s rights and are simply asking the question: “Why doesn’t our society
care about men’s rights?” Well, the greatest challenge I faced
through this whole process, it wasn’t the protests against my film, and it wasn’t how I was treated
by the mainstream media – even though it got
pretty disgusting at times. The greatest challenge I faced was peeling back the layers
of my own bias. It turns out I did meet
my enemy while filming. It was my ego saying that I was right, and they were subhuman. It’s no secret now that I no longer
call myself a feminist, but I must clarify I am not anti-feminist, and I am not a men’s rights activist. I still support women’s rights, and I now care about men’s rights as well. However, I believe if we want
to honestly discuss gender equality, we need to invite all voices to the table. Yet, this is not what is happening. Men’s groups are continually vilified, falsely referred to as hate groups, and their voices
are systematically silenced. Do I think either movement
has all the answers? No. Men’s rights activists
are not without flaws, neither are feminists. But if one group is being silenced, that’s a problem for all of us. If I could give advice to anyone
in our society at large, we have to stop expecting to be offended, and we have to start truly,
openly, and sincerely listening. That would lead
to a greater understanding of ourselves and others, having compassion for one another, working together towards solutions because we all are in this together. And once we do that,
we can finally heal from the inside out. But it has to start with listening. Thank you for listening. (Applause) (Cheering)

100 thoughts on “MEETING THE ENEMY A feminist comes to terms with the Men’s Rights movement | Cassie Jaye | TEDxMarin

  1. Really awesome, I wasn't much think it would go the way your/her speech went and so glad to hear what you said, it doesn't have to go way way or another but like you said both have a good points

    On my YouTube channel I show how I approach girls in the street and teach guys that it is ok, to go for what you want, and I do get some hate for what I do… A lot of people still think in a very narrow way which upset me. Everything could be a win-win, it doesn't have to be a win-lose!

  2. it seems to be mostly male , who are equalist's we need more people to talk about these problems but the media only focuses on feminism,I am young but I still understand the problems about these issues. I probably couldn't handle these issues but I hope others can.Thank you Cassie Jaye for addressing these problems.

  3. Why couldn’t YouTube have recommended this back when it was first uploaded? Think of all the conversation that could have sparked when we needed it most

  4. As a man, I've only felt and was expected to do was work, pay my bills and die. Nothing more. What a horrible existence… And for being privileged, we sure do die a lot faster and more often.

  5. I thought that feminism was fighting for equal rights, for men and women. I just thought people got confused by the name as it contains ‘fem’?

  6. Hardly any female comments in the replies. More of us ladies need to watch and share this info with other women!

  7. Notice she is beautiful and powerful. She has the entire room silent. See ladies we will listen if you have something to say! She is hated by feminists like hated. She is amazing watch the movie please.

  8. I was anticipating (like most feminists do). Like they say, if you're looking for something to complain about, you'll usually find it.

  9. There is disparity when there is conflict, there is equality when there is love.

    Love or compassion or care…
    whatever…

    😢 nice talk

  10. Cassie, please make a part II… Bravooo. Thank you on behalf of all men. We need to change Family Laws. Because of MONSTER Father's, the rest of us pay the price. Women, are loved by us, but SOME women use unfair tactics to make their voices heard and use the children as leverage to use us as their ATMs. Fathers love their children just as much. There is so much more to bring out. Human Rights ✊

  11. Remove the Ego People, the gravest Sin.
    Praise the Lord of all creation. Stand in awe of his loving power.
    Remember he signed his name in they DNA of every cell, in every Human Being.

  12. DCF, the court system, law enforcement all of them give the woman a free pass especially when it involves children. As a man I am guilty until proven innocent.

  13. This is the first woman who has actually listened to a man's speech without interrupting ?? She just broke the Enigmatic woman chain.

  14. "a man built this" yup, and many of them died trying to makes YOUR lives better, if youre so storng and independent, why dont you climb that crane up and carry around bricks and glass panes

  15. Thought is a privilege of the human being that does not distinguish between genders. Fortunately there are women whom I deeply admire.

  16. Glad to hear a balanced view.
    Feminism, as far as I'm aware of the term, is the fight for equal rights between genders.
    "Men's Rights" should be compatible with the above.
    However, there are self-proclaimed "feminists" and "Men's Right's" activists that fight to be more than equal.

  17. I loved this. Well said everything and bringing both sides to what i would sum as – most of the world gets along without any thought of any difference between men and women. Elect for President! = )

  18. Quick challenge for feminists: name ONE privilege or right men have and women don't.
    PS: It has to be a real one.

  19. Finally, a women did her homework..
    This woman deserves the love and and care her man is giving her.. I wish her a happy life..

  20. Great talk, glad that you learned from your research and were able to acknowledge your initial presumptions were wrong, a very rare thing.

  21. This mindset when listening to people is a so important.

    Having the ability to hear someone, and try understand their reasons for saying something is the most important social skill I'm aware of.
    Make sure people hear you as well. Life happens on a two way street.

  22. Brave move but women are not oppressed and they have all their rights and even more. There is no way in which women are discriminated against in rights, gender equality and whatever.

    Men are the only ones that are oppressed. Feminism is redundant today. What right do women not have?

  23. No one is standing up for the Good honourable Men who is falsely accused . Our laws don’t protect nice guys . It’s a travesty !

  24. Just pay attention to TV commercials. All men are portrayed as losers, especially white cis males. Women are always portrayed as winners and save the men in every commercial. Indoctrination and bias against men is everywhere in the US. Equality is a myth.

  25. It's very uplifting the knowledge that all a woman really needs to be cured of feminism is just to talk to a couple of dudes who aren't beta cucks trying desperately to get laid.

  26. ALL children are birthed by women? What? Are you a trans bigot? Kidding… this is what the real enemy would say.

  27. This is almost making me cry,coz I’ve suffered from a LOT of disgust and angryness from my friends,just for telling this issues,especially form a bunch of friends i know since I can remember,and btw these issues are so simple and acknowledgable that I a twelve year old can get it

  28. 2:28 No. There is inherent sexism right there, in that women weren't given equal opportunities to participate in construction. Like people saying 'but men work so hard, think of all those male CEOs working so hard'. Again, women aren't given equal opportunities to become CEOs and work that hard. If you cannot see the flawed logic in that statement at 2:28, I am not listening to the rest of your talk.

  29. nice story but i have serious reservations about the mental heft of a person who can join a hate cult that wishes to END 50% of the population. it's nice that you allowed yourself to have a change of heart or whatever, but still. ew

  30. Very courageous, I speak to groups about my personal experiences of abuse by both women and men, which invariably results in backlash, because it's not in agreement with the current dominant political views. With the visibility you have, I can't imagine what it was like for you. Good on you and thank you for speaking your truth. It's encouraged me to continue doing the same with mine.

  31. She was capable of seeing the truth when she bothered to actually look for it. Which is exactly the issue with radical modern feminism.

    Investigation is key.
    And context matters above everything else.

    Fire doesn't put out fire, no matter how much you want to believe it's true.

  32. Idk what feminism she was "taught" but to me it was always about equality not superiority.

    Also,they(men's right)are not all innocent to bring out unrelated stuff like buildings by men. Most of these men issue stem from toxic patriarchy/masculinity anyways but they blame feminism.
    (Eg)
    Why arent men able to come forward about abuse?cos they r expected to be "man enough" and their own gender laughs at them for being "weak".

  33. One white person with sense stands up for African American people and the rest tear him/her down. This video was insightful.

  34. I actually thought that MRA was a men’s right activists group but terrorists about it but now I know they’re just men’s rights activists

  35. Very good. I respect this woman if indeed she’s telling the truth. Next up: narcissistic abuse. In 2019, I feel that at least 80% of narc abuse is inflicted on men by women, as women are much more prone to narcissism. Let’s see I video on that.

    On a side note, this video will change no feminazi minds, as I suspect the only ones watching it are men.

  36. She got everything right and she's truly amazing. Except there's one thing she got wrong, and that is saying that she wouldn't be a MRA. Because if she became a men's rights activist then it would've drastically helped men. If you people didn't know, women actually have a lot more rights than men since obviously as she mentioned it herself, men to this day have MANY issues that are literally not cared about. And that's the reason why MRA is needed while feminism is not. They're different.

  37. We are MGTOW.
    We are Legion.
    We do not forgive.
    We do not forget.

    Feminism and the far left.

    You provoked all of this.

    You should have expected us.

  38. I remember mid 2017. When I questioned, why don't we fight against woman to woman violence, also inequality within women? Then the responses one got, was being labelled as a Sexist and being defensive for Men practicing violence against women. Yet I was just looking at another factor that affect women right.

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