What’s up, Greg, it’s me Danny, back with another episode of:
(subtitles by chérioux) Coming to Terms With Our Own Mortality Aging and getting older can be really tough, realizing that you’re not the same young guy that you used to be. The other day, I was uh- I was trying to fix my hair, and a long, white, very thick hair fell out of… my hair… and… onto my lap in front of me, and I picked it up and I looked at it, and… I thought… This is probably one of my dog’s hairs that got into my hair for some reason, but it would suck if I started getting white hairs pretty soon! and I get the feeling that I’m not really alone in this fear of growing old. It seems like a lot of other content creators also have this uh… this fear? I know I’ve talked about Brent Rivera and his friends before a lot on this channel but, they do this thing a lot where they pretend like they’re in high school, and they make videos about …being in high school. Or about being kids or teens when they’re all at least 20. I think the twins are even 21. They’ll make videos like this, where they pretend to be in high school, they even went to some high school. I don’t know if it’s their old high school or something to make a video. I can’t even imagine like, going to… my old high school… to make a video… about pretending to be in high school. like, I can’t even..?? LOOK at my old high school without… I don’t know, pooping? Like, can you imagine being in high school and, like, every now and again, these old guys will come by to shoot a video for their YouTube channel… to make it seem like they’re in high school? It’s just really weird. Brent also has all of these videos on his YouTube channel that are called things like: “15 Lies Every KID Tells!” “How Parents See Things VS How TEENS See Things” just all these things that really make it seem like he’s trying to just Hold onto to his youth for as long as possible, and it’s a little bit sad, but mostly just creepy. It’s like, dude, You’re not in high school anymore. Just stop making videos about being in high school. Now when older youtubers or content creators post videos like this, It’s not only weird and kind of like, predatory and creepy, it’s also… usually not very relatable at all? *wheeze* Like this video that’s called: “Walking Alone VS Walking With Your Friends,” When you’re alone, you automatically get bullied, you get your… paper smacked out of your hands, But when you’re with friends, you walk into school and you immediately take your shirt off. This also adds another level of creepiness to shooting at some high school that you don’t go to. It’s just like, “Hey, you know that dude who graduated, like, three years ago?” Yeah, he’s in the- he’s in the hall with his shirt off… making a youtube video. Lele Pons also recently posted a video called “High School Bully,” and I think that this is a really good example of… when someone who is NOT in high school… makes a video about what it’s like to BE in high school. That has…? Is NOT like…high school at all. It starts off with this…b- Dude
who’s apparently the bully, who walks up to this ENTIRE group of kids, and just asked them all for lunch money. “Lunch money! NOW!” First off, the whole “lunch money” thing is a cliche, right? I don’t think anybody ever actually gets bullied for lunch money. And if they do, it’s usually just one person. You don’t just.. walk into a crowd and say, “Everybody, give me your money!” “I’m the bully, and I’m here for all of your lunch money.” Like… is- What is he gonna do? Is he gonna beat up ALL of you? No, obviously not! Anyway, the videos about Lele Pons coming to the school, there’s like a new kid, and she sees this bully, and she wants to learn about his backstory…? So Lele asked this dude, who TOTALLY looks like a high school student, and not some 33 year old guy. She asked him, “What’s up with this bully?” and… he tells her his whole back story, and apparently, The- The bully used to be a nice kid, but then he got his heart broken, And so then he decided that HE wanted to become a bully… First off, this video implies that, like, a kid who bullies other kids in… high school… just decides one day… That they’re gonna be a bully. Like they’re… looking in the mirror, and they’re like: “Hmm…” “Ss…Yeah, I think I’m gonna start…. think I’m gonna start…. punching kids at school today.” Anyway, he takes off his braces and his glasses, Also… implying that, like, bullies don’t care about having straight teeth or being able to see? and then he emerges in this, like, jean vest, with wristbands… and eyeliner, like he’s a goth bully from an early 2000s movie? Like, looking at this video, It’s clear Lele Pons has NEVER been bullied in her entire life. IT- It seems like she’s never even BEEN… no one’s ever even been mean to her. And the only reference for someone who’s mean she’s ever seen is… uh, The bully from Fairly OddParents? And, the fashion is like a conscious choice. He’s like, “Okay, I’m gonna start punching kids at school, so now I have to… start wearing eyeliner to school… also.” Anyway, the video ends with Lele deciding that she wants to try to change the bully, because she thinks he’s just some heartbroken kid. So, she walks over, and this time the bully is standing around the same group of people, but just asking everybody to do his science homework for him. “WHERE’S MY SCIENCE HOMEWORK?” Bully: I SAID I NEEDED IT TODAY.
Victim: I don’t have it. Bully: HOW DO YOU THINK I’M GONNA TURN IT IN?
Lele: Hey! Lele: Don’t do that. Bully: DO YOU HAVE MY SCIENCE HOMEWORK?
Lele: No! I don’t have your science homework. Bully: THEN WHO HAS MY HOMEWORK? To be honest, doesn’t really seem like bullying, It just sort of seems like this… …dumb kid who forgot to do his homework is like pleading with everyone to give hi- like, help him? Anyway, Lele asked the bully on a date. “Because I wanna go on a date with you!” And, for a second, It seems like the bully façade starts to fade away. “Thank you.” But then he… gets distracted, ’cause he sees some other kid he forgot to ask about science homework, and then he runs off chasing him. Um… and that’s the end of the video. So the moral of the story is: you can’t change bullies! They’re always gonna want to steal your science homework. There’s just, like, so many things in this video that like, just don’t make sense. it’s like- it’s like, a video FOR high school kids, ABOUT high school kids, written by someone who ISN’T in high school. and, quite honestly, it seems like has never even stepped foot in a public school. It seems like there’s been a- A big problem for… people who make the super relatable content. I feel like this stuff sort of started on Vine when it would be like: “White people be like:” or, “Girls be like:” “Boys be like:”, Very surface level relatable stuff. and, over time, these Viners have transitioned to Instagram and YouTube, and they’ve sort of run out of these, like, surface level things… to make videos about. And, so, they’ve… just sort of run out of ideas. I think it’s pretty apparent if you look at Hannah Stockings’…. YouTube channel. She’s got super relatable titles like: “Dating a DJ,” which, *chuckles* I think is something that we’ve all done. Or, “Runaway Bride,” Which… is a very common issue plaguing the… high-school students of today. Hannah Stocking also has a knack for trying to appeal to high school kids with her videos. This video she posted recently is called: “Timed Mile in P.E.” The mile… is something that people talk about a lot, is something that they really didn’t like about high school. It’s a pretty commonly memed-about thing. So this should be pretty low hanging fruit for Hannah Stocking to make a pretty relatable video about, right? WRONG! First off, we have a cast of characters here that… seem to range from like being… maybe 22 to… 30? “James!” “Jonathon!”
“Right here.” “Berky!” “Hey, can we just…hurry up so we don’t have to do anything?” “No. Today we’re going to be running ONE MILE!” “WOOOOO!!” *Hannah Stocking over-reacting for more children to enjoy her content* “WHHHYYYYY?!!” “Four laps… in under 15 minutes!” This video has very weird pacing. If you haven’t been able to tell already, we’re like 30 seconds in and… It’s just already very awkward to watch. It’s like, You can sort of tell they got on set with a very vague idea of what they were going to film, but they weren’t entirely sure. That’s a lot of like, Hannah Stocking and Lele Pons videos. They’re all like this, where it’s just like “Well, we have the basic idea of what we want to do, and shooting a video is very easy and not complicated at all! So let’s just figure it out when we get there!” “Cool! Oh yeah, me too, me too. Totally.” “HEY! YOU’RE EXPELLED!” “EXPOLATION!” That moment when your gym teacher expels you! XDXDXD That…crazy moment when your gym teacher has the power…to expel you?? High school was crazy, man. Gym- the gym teacher was just expelling kids one after another. “You’re not listening? You’re expelled. You’re…trying to get out of this? Expelled.” Those gym teachers had way too much power. “I got a doctor’s note.”
“All right, that’s fine. Yeah, sit out! No worries.” “What’s YOUR excuse?” “I got in a car accident..!” “Do you have a doctor’s note?”
“I do not.” “NFFFUHH” “iM IN SO MUCH PAIN” “GET OVER THERE AND START RUNNING!” “COME ON!” Ohh, yeah. Hmm. Yeah, we all had that one gym teacher that was physically abusive and made kids with crippling disabilities run the mile. “Remember, four laps!” Yeah, look at this dude. In what world can this pass as a high school student? He’s like jacked. And he’s got a… 5 o’clock shadow. More than five o’clock shadow! It’s an 8 o’clock shadow at least! “ON YOUR MARKS!” “GET SET!” Okay, so this is a skit about running the mile, and… I think it really revolves around the characters in this video. There’s different types of kids… in P.E. class when running the mile. You’ve got the kid… who tries way too hard. Of course, you’ve got the girl who’s not trying at all. Obviously, every gym class has that. “Is that a frapuccino?” The kid who… runs off into the mountains the second the mile starts. Well, actually wait- and the kid who comes to school the day after getting into a serious car accident… without a doctor’s note. We all know THAT kid. That classic character. Ooh! and the chubby slow kid. HAHA!!! YEAH!! Then there’s this weird part where Hannah gets like heat exhaustion… and starts hallucinating. and… sees this, like, wizard guy who’s also her coach? Yes, This is something that I know I certainly have experienced, and can relate to on a very deep level. Hallucinating in gym class… Every day. …Every day. Anyway, they finally finished the race. Everybody cheers on the chubby kid, He finishes the race… last. Obviously. And then the coach congratulates them for all finishing the full four laps. But then, the chubby kid’s like: “Wait a minute. I thought you only said we had to do one lap!” “i THOUGHT WE WERE JUST DOING ONE” And then, this happens. “WE’RE GOING AGAIN!”
“Again?!” He makes ALL of them do the whole mile AGAIN! Just because ONE KID didn’t do the whole mile. This is another video about common high school experiences, It’s called “High School Rivals.” We all went to high school, and we all had high school rivals. This video starts off in a classic classroom scenario, Uhh, they’re sitting in a room made of cinder blocks. So… I guess they’re either in prison or…. a storage unit?! “Now, I wish the Olympics today would last a lot longer, so, I’m going to make it a project. *Classroom groans* “It’s simple! It’s simple!” “All you gotta do is make the Olympics part of your week, and then come back and let us know how it goes.” So, this is how the story is set up, the teacher gives them this vague-ass project. He just says, “Make the Olympics part of your week and then come back and let me know how it goes.” There’s like…? *Chuckles* There’s no criteria for making the Olympics part of your week. Just somehow, do something Olympic related your week, and then come back and… you don’t have to write a paper or anything. Just… let me know how it goes. I’m just- I’m just curious. “Guys, we have to get an A on this olypmics project.” “Let’s go get some lunch so we can brainstorm some ideas and…be prepared-” *overdone screaming over some fucking birds* “VULTURES!” “I”m not messing with these vultures man. We shouldn’t go this way.” “Yeah, we gotta go the long way home.” “But we’ve never been that way, are you sure? That’s high’s territory.” “…Spooky ol’ vultures.” “AAUHH MAN” “That’s our rival, West High!” “Augh, I cracked my neck.” “Look’s like West High’s crossing over East High’s turf.” Uh oh, so now, they were walking home, and they got deterred by some vultures, which happened SO much when I was walking home from high school. “Spooky ol’ vultures…” They came across this- uh, these kids from their rival high school. who were…playing on a playground for some reason. and now it looks like they’re having this, like, West Side Story kind of Standoff? Did this EVER happen in high school…? To anyone? With their rival high school? The most confrontational that our high school rivalry ever got would be like, me, occasionally saying to my friends: “I wish our theatre program was as well-funded as theirs was….” And that was about as savage as things got over there. “You know what happens when you come into our turf, right?” “WE HAVE TO BATTLE!” “Guys, I’m scared. What do we do?” “I don’t know, don’t- don’t we have to go home and do our olympics project?” “But they’re our rivals, we can’t back down, we gotta battle!” “Yeah, we gotta battle.”
“So let’s battle ’em!” “We’ll battle you!” “OLYMPIC STYLE!”
“YEAAAH!” A beautiful sunny day here in downtown Los Angeles, where two competing high schools are competing in their very own little Olympics. The plots of these are so confusing! They meant that, like, the rival High School and they wanted to battle, but they also had to finish this vague Olympics project, And so, they’re gonna just combine the two things, and they’re gonna battle these kids… with this Olympic style competition. The news is here for some reason, they have a referee they have this whole thing set up. I mean, They must really hate eachother to work together so well to coordinate this whole thing? I mean, this is a whole event! You got to really hate somebody… to organize an entire event around kicking their butts. Anyways, The rest of the video is just them competing in these weird, made-up events… that are somehow Olympic-like. You’re probably wondering, “Well, do they get an a on the project?” You never really find out. They finished the whole competition, and the ref is about to crown a winner, when… one of the kids gets picked up by a…? An awful-looking CG vulture and carried away and the video just ends with everyone screaming. “RIP HIS WINGS OFF!” Do you see what I mean when I said, like, they have the basic idea of what they’re going to do when they start filming, but they don’t really have, like, the ending finished or anything, because it seems like they filmed this whole video, and then when they got to the end, they had sort of forgotten what the intial conflict of the video was. Like, the initial thing was to try to get an A on their project, then they get sidetracked with this competition thing, and then….That doesn’t even end. This kid just gets carried away. There’s, like, no resolution to any of the subplots. It’s, like, they just had to… they just stopped… the plot. So, Hanna Stocking is 26 years old. She hasn’t been in high school in… probably… eight years? My point of making this video isn’t that you’re not allowed to be over 26 years old. Um…That would be very drastic. No, I- actually, you know what- I’m changing my mind. You’re not allowed to be 26 years old, everyone above 26 must be put to death immediantly. My point is, that, if you ARE 26, you shouldn’t be trying so hard to, like, appeal to teenagers. What I do when I make videos, is I try to make things that I think I would like. Things that relate to me, things that I think I experience that other people experience as well, and that’s what I think resonates with people, but when you… gained this, like, following by… trying to… say what you think young- People younger than you should be feeling, or, like, thinking, and you also try to, like, relate to them… like you’re one of them it just- it comes off really, really, bad. And then, also, when she does brand deals and stuff, which she has, they’re also very cringy, she’s got a few where she just, like…. literally reads from a teleprompter about uh, like, scientific studies and stuff. It’s so obvious that she’s just, like, reading like that. But when you’re doing brand deals and stuff like that and you’re trying to sell things to kids – that just makes it that much worse. Anyways, that’s the lesson for today, be yourself. And… if you’re 26 years old, Stop pretending you’re in high school. Also, as I’m sure you’ve seen, I’ve released new merch. It’s the Greg family crest shirt You can also get the two other shirts that I offer on my merch website, Just go to dannygonzalez.store and pick that- pick- pick that thang up. Thank you #2 Greg for turning out my notifications, You are truly Greg. I’ll see you guys next time with a really in-depth video on how baby carrots are made. It’s… It’s a lot more disturbing than you would think.
(subtitles by chérioux) BYE!